Words Words Words

June 18, 2011

~Sunday Scribblings~ The next step

Filed under: sunday scribblings — ~Kathryn~ @ 5:43 pm

been over a year since I scribbled … I need my writing as an outlet – so I”M BACK !!!

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………..so reality is I’m really confused.
In my head I know what the next step SHOULD be

But my heart doesn’t want to go there.
My heart wants to keep pretending that everything is OK, that he loves me, he wants me and that he respects the woman I am …. But … if this is true … the next step should be us thinking about how we can make things work, how we can be together, how we can move forward.

But … (this is but #3) …. That can never happen, we are not supposed to be together, what we have isn’t real, it’s our little fantasy that just overlapped for a while and we went where we should not have gone and now have to face reality …..

I know what the next step SHOULD be

Can I take it ?
No
No
Not yet ………………!

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March 5, 2010

Sunday Scribblings ~ Big Dreams

Filed under: sunday scribblings — ~Kathryn~ @ 7:27 pm

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The dreams don’t stop, they come when I am asleep, they come when I am awake. I can be driving to work and my minds slips away again to big fantasy dream that has almost become my reality.
I spend my time planning when I can spend time alone with my dream, when I can hide away from the pain of my reality  in the depths of this perfect place.
Everything is different, yet the same in this place
You are there
I am there
and nothing else matters
all the circumstances that would prevent us from being together are non-existent
it is the perfect dream of course
you save me from my demons
you rescue me from the tall tower
you protect me from dragons
it is perfect
my reality knows it’s not of course
but who let reality in
just leave me here with my perfection
i’ll deal with life when I wake up

Sunday Scribblings – When pigs fly

Filed under: sunday scribblings — ~Kathryn~ @ 6:51 pm

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“When pigs fly”
“When hell freezes over”
“Never in a month of Sundays”

You said these words to me when I asked if you would leave me ….
but here I am now alone
its my own fault of course, what was I to expect
I fell in love with someone else
which made things very difficult
the hardest thing though – was that I DIDN’T fall out of love with you
so my heart bleeds for what I have lost
while it sings for joy with the new love it has found
now I know the true meaning of a broken heart
now I ask you if we can ever be the same
and the same words come from your lips

“When pigs fly”
“When hell freezes over”
“Never in a month of Sundays”

February 8, 2010

Sunday Scribblings – Message

Filed under: sunday scribblings — ~Kathryn~ @ 2:32 pm

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THE MESSAGE

It came out of nowhere – it was not what she was expecting at all.

Each word, as it left his lips, was like a slap to her face and she fell back in shock.
Who knew ?

She had been so caught up in herself and her own fantasy world that she’d forgotten the real world was around her, and that those in the real world might have noticed her decline into herself.  The decline had been happening for months, but she’d deluded herself into thinking it was all OK,  and that no one would notice, but this was the second time it had been brought to her attention. The first message she ignored,  choosing instead to walk away from the messenger and placing the blame on them. NOW it was too confronting.

Her heart hurt

She couldn’t sleep
She didn’t know what the next move should be

Life felt like it was too hard, she wished she had the courage to end it.
But instead, she sat
heart heavy and hurting
crying out her words

January 31, 2010

Sunday Scribblings – Milestone

Filed under: sunday scribblings — ~Kathryn~ @ 9:58 pm

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She didn’t realise when it was happening that it was a milestone event in her life.

It was really just a regular online chat with one of her girlfriends that turned into something more, a sharing of deep held thoughts and secrets and things that she didn’t even know she felt or thought until the words came tumbling,  it was though her fingers had a mind of their own as they tapped across the keyboard, letting forth the deep and long held secrets, things that she thought would turn people away if they really knew her thoughts, if they knew what she was really like. But the friend said “I understand”, and didn’t just ‘understand’ but felt the same and did similar things, and it was like a flood gate of honesty was open, as she knew she would not be judged by this friend as she emptied her heart onto the computer screen, with each word typed a weight lifted from her and she felt ‘normal’.

in the days that followed, she realised what a huge event this had been, and that her life had changed because of it

January 10, 2010

Sunday Scribblings ~ extreme

Filed under: sunday scribblings — ~Kathryn~ @ 2:00 pm

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i never do anything by half
it is one extreme or another
lets collect fridge magnets she says
next thing the whole of the fridge AND freezer are covered and there is a box in the drawer and just got rid of a few dozen ……

i never do anything by half
when i want something i go all out to get it
i’m like a dog with a bone
and if i can’t get it, i whine and sulk, and pout and moan about whey i don’t like it any more anyway ……

i never do anything by half
when i saw you i knew i had to have you
i pursued you
slowly at first, then more and more determined to let you know how i felt, there is no halfway with me, from one extreme to another

and now you know
there is no doubt

January 3, 2010

Sunday Scribblings ~ New Leaf

Filed under: sunday scribblings — ~Kathryn~ @ 9:51 am

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Well I had to have a bit of a giggle when I saw the prompt this week – I work for a company called New Leaf – and it is the LAST THING I want to think about today on my last day of holidays before going back to work tomorrow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She opened the diary, it was blank
there is something slightly scary about an empty book
nothing to commit to
nothing to aim for
so upon the blank pages she started to write
on the days ahead
the things she wanted to do the goals she wanted to meet
this was the start of something new
a new start
a new leaf
……….. she turned another page

December 27, 2009

Sunday Scribblings ~ Delicious

Filed under: sunday scribblings — ~Kathryn~ @ 2:26 pm

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when I think of you it brings a smile to my face
when I think of you my heart has a little flutter
when I think of you I get goosebumps
I love how you make me feel

DELICIOUS

December 20, 2009

~Sunday Scribblings~ Dare

Filed under: sunday scribblings — ~Kathryn~ @ 8:32 pm

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Dare I make the first move ? Dare to risk being laughed at ? What if I’ve read the signs wrong ? What if this is not what I am expecting it to be ? What if it is all a big mistake ?

Do I dare NOT to do anything ? do I risk losing it all ? What if it is meant to be and I let it pass without trying to stop it ? What if this is the thing I’ve been waiting for ?

This is so tormenting to me
Do I dare to take the next step ?
Do I risk doing nothing

I know the answer – I’m not brave enough to even try … I wouldn’t dare ….

December 17, 2009

~Sunday Scribblings ~ Brave

Filed under: sunday scribblings — ~Kathryn~ @ 10:20 pm

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i wish i was brave enough to leave
just walk out and leave everything behind
start again as a new me
independent and strong
not as this shadow of me that i have become
follow no set path
let the road guide me
let me do things i never feel i can do
let life take over
let me not feel so tired and worn down
let the real me come back
i wish i was brave enough to leave

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